Changing Dreams

I don’t know how to define my present situation in life… The only conscience I get is that my dreams are not the very same as they used to be anymore. If, before, my greatest dream of all was about building my own family with someone I loved dearly, and that he was also a musician preferentially; now, I must say I’m much more focused on my own carreer and in building a solid professional name.

I’ve changed my focus and I don’t even figure out when or how did it happen… I feel tempted to believe that it’s because perhaps, I’m still waiting for a dream, even though now I feel like that one doesn’t matter anymore. Actually I wonder if do I still know what love is… Because for me, it seems like love is an utopy and that we just take the people we are comfortable with and pretend to build relationships, yet, we still feel empty inside…

I am so divided… I like the guy I’m dating dearly, but I wish I could love him more… I mean… I love him, but I confess that not on the way he deserves to be loved… He needs and deserves much more than I can give to him… And I can not give him more, because my heart won’t be completely free untill I get the answers I need… And… this is making me ill…

And to bare on with all this I’m giving my blood to my work to not think too much about that… And I think about my carreer more than about anything else because I know someone will get hurt in the end of this… I don’t mind suffering… I’m used to this… Just as long nobody else get hurt. Lately I’ve got even more closed inside my shell that I barely talk about that to anybody. I’m too tired of masks… And that’s the greatest irony of my life… I’m tired of masks, but I’m wearing on one to survive.

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1 Comment

  1. Girls need dreams. Changing is good, which brings more adventures and surprises. BTW, miss you so much. – Parls <3

    Like

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