That’s how I am. No dreams, nothing to believe in, nothing to hold on to. Nothing. I lost my trust in friends, and I’m growing cold and becomming cruel. Who cares? People leave you anyway. It doesn’t matter if you’re sweet or if you’re just true. People never care about each other, so why should I? People do care in deceiving you. In making you believe in lies. That’s what people do, and they are pretty good in doing it.
Dreams never come true and life is never the way you want it to be. Welcome to the reality.
Jealousy, sarcasm, selfishness… I was raised surrounded by this, so, it doesn’t surprise me that someday I’d become the fruit of what I’ve lived on my skin. And I dreamed things were different, but I always knew they would never be… They would never be. I’ll be always the selfish girl who accused her sister when doing something wrong in childhood, I’ll be always the selfish one that push people away because can’t even bare with herself.
Nobody does… People never care about each other. FAMILY never care. Fathers are never EVER present. Brothers and relatives always steal what should be yours. So why should I be lovely, why should I be sweet, why should I be trustworthy when everyone beside me is always breaking up my trust? Why should I care, if my family and I are struggling for years to get out of place and we never get?
I don’t care about anything aymore. I DON’T CARE!
And I’d rather much more if my heart was made of stone, so it would fit perfectly for who I am now. Because I feel nothing. Nothing at all. I’m just passing by this earth and that’s all.
I am nothing.
Go ahead and accuse of self pity or whatever. That’s so easy to criticize anyone when you’re not on their skin. I am learning how to do it. I can not believe that I’m at last learning how does this world works…. One or another stone in my head wouldn’t make any difference. Nothing makes any difference after all.
There are no true friends. Love, hope and faith are utopic ideas. THERE’S NOTHING OF THAT. NOTHING AT ALL. And I hate this life. And I hate whomever made me believe that these principles were true once. I HATE them. I HATE the human kind. I hate whomever made me believe that goodness and believing would take you somewhere, because IT DOESN’T.
And please, don’t blame me for being so frustrated. Nothing can be worse than figuring out that you’re a big failure in everything you are and do. Nothing can hurt more than the delusion of seeing all of your dreams, I said ALL OF THEM (this is not about a single one) ruinning like sandcastles…
For this is what life is… Nothing but sandcastles.