Breathless

If you can not love me when I’m weak, that is when I need you most, how can I expect you to love me for a whole lifetime?

Yesterday I said to someone that he’s stuck on past because now and then he follows some news about his ex-gf. Actually, who’s stuck on past it’s just myself. My birthday is comming and with it the remembrance that someone I loved deeply has teared my heart in two. It was being a difficult year, I’ve seen one by one of my dreams destroyed, and I was feeling insecure all the time, I was charging too much, and it was really hard to deal with me. But it was the time when I needed him most to embrace me and to make me feel safe and warm, and that everything would be ok because we would still be together. But it’s not what happened. And, since then, the most difficult thing to me is just relax and believe that all my dreams can come true. I’ve been struggling to keep moving on, and believing, and creating dreams and inventing hopes to not get drown in depression and sadness…

Someone yesterday said to me: “If you’re weak and feel scared, then give up on your love”. But I ask, if he can not love me when I feel weak and scared, how can I expect him to be willing and able to face the challenges that a relationship for a lifetime proposes beside me? Yet, feeling how firm he is have comforted me a little, because I know my children will be in good hands when we overrule all this mess.

Trusting is one of the hardest lessons to learn. Look at Sarah, Abraham’s wife! She was promised a son… asking a woman for waiting is the biggest challenge you can propose to her. She has messed up with everything, because she hasn’t trusted enough… I don’t wanna be like Sarah. But I can not say that I don’t understand her feelings.

And you know what? Sometimes, waiting for a promise can get us breathless… But all right. I am human and I feel scared and weak, but my God is not. And, even I feel so hopeless, I know He is faithful to keep His promises, even when I mess up with everything, after all, if  Sarah, even after what has she done, got giving birth to Isaac, why wouldn’t I be in your arms someday, beyond of all this heartache?

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