What an inspired day…

This is the very first word that I had in my mind when I woke up… And it was the title for the first chronical of today and it would be in portuguese… I don’t know why, or maybe I do, and it’s probably because I’ve been seeing my last ex bf so often online, I’ve been just feeling, how can I say?… I don’t know how to define the feeling… The only thing I know is that I’d like to ask him so many things, just to figure out somethings…

Some days ago I wrote about love being a “NEW WAY” as a good friend had the brilliant conception about the chronical, and I’ve mentioned about how breaking up a relationship is so hard and how we use to keep asking ourselves what have we done so wrong…

So, the first thought I had on my mind as soon as I opened my eyes this morning was about how much I’d like to ask to my ex WHY THE HELL he had to break up with me right on my birthday? Sometimes I just wonder if wouldn’t it be good for me just to know the reason to let my life go without carrying up this heavy feeling on my heart forever… But then I think well, better let it go. It’s past, it won’t change anything, so why do you want to know?

Then I remembered a story that I’ve heard once, about the hero and the wise… A certain time, the hero has seen he has fought for so many things, he has been brave  for his whole life, and then, he decides to visit the wise, and told to the wise how did he feel like… So, while he was talking to the wise, he has told to the wise about his apic adventures and shown all his fights scars and his heart and said proudly that at least his heart didn’t have any scar… To what the wise has shown his heart and answered: “I don’t have any scars on my arms, face or legs, but as you can see, my heart is full up of scars.” And the hero, atonished asked: How can you have such so many scars on your heart, if you haven’t fought any battle? Then the wise replied: Every scars of these ones correspond to someone I loved and that has broken up my heart. And you’ll only find out the value of this at the moment that you allow yourself to love someone. People will hurt you, but as much scars your heart have, as much you’ll have learnt about love.

So, you can not move your life ahead focused on the past, but, one ting I realized this morning, is that, even that the place your heart were hurt heal with time, and it doesn’t hurt anymore, you’ll always look at the scar and you’ll remember how did you get it. I can not say for sure if my heart isn’t hurting anymore, maybe it’s not completely healed yet, ’cause I can’t avoid having tears on my eyes everytime I remember my last relationship, and realize how much I’ve been struggling to just move ahead and not look back anymore, and if possible just to delete this chapter of my life, but I know I’ll always try to find a dream to pursuit even it’s just to have a reason to keep living and keep breathing, even when sometimes I can not find air to breathe anymore…

Life is different to people… And it brings differents lessons too… My life have been teaching me that I must to fight and keep struggling if I want to survive and be someone and reach somewhere… My life has been teaching me that happiness isn’t being forever smiling, but it’s finding something good even when your heart and mind can not find sweet words to comfort yourself on the sad moments… My life has been teaching me that love and happiness are conquered with so much effort and that you can just realize how solid they are every time you gave overrule a conflict or a stormy season… And only then, you’ll find out how beautiful the life can really be.


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