Do I still dare believing miracles?

I don’t know, but since I’ve decided open up again to the world, things have been a little confuse in my heart. I knew it would be hard waking up of a dream, but it was needed. Which doesn’t mean I’ve simply left dreaming; not at all… I’ve just decided let time tell me if I was right or wrong… I still keep my sweet dream inside my heart. That will never change, I believe… Or at least I hope.

But… I have to say that for this last month, being again at the point where I left focusing in what I had around me to dedicate my heart exclusively to my dream is totally stressing and hard… Makes me feel like there’s no sense in believing anything anymore… Nothing is lasting. Nothing is real. Nothing is concrete. Nothing is true. Nothing is true… Men always break up their promises. Men are always lying.  Men are always interested in anything at your body, but when you ask them what do they see on your personality, what do they feel about your personal essence… They aren’t able to answer a word… And I keep trying, talking to them, saying to myself it’s not possible that things can be like that. Trying to convince myself I’m wrong about men. Trying to convince myself I can find someone sensible enough to see me beyond my image. To see me beyond my soul.

Maybe this is just me overthinking about everything again… Maybe this is just another day trying to change myself and to find the equilibrium between my own universe and my reality and trying to deal fine with both… Maybe I’m just wondering and wasting time with my thoughts, I don’t know… Right this moment I’m feeling lost and trying to find out where did I got the shortcut that brought me here, so far from the way I think I should be walking in… But, considering that nothing in the life happens without a purpose, so I ask myself: Even I feel like this, lost and far from my way to home, does it really mean that I shouldn’t be here?

Questions… My heart is full up of them… Things I can not understand… Things I feel and I don’t know if I’m right or wrong… Things I see and try that make me feel like I shouldn’t, but is it right or is it just me and all the things I grew up listening? How can I find the right way in this misty season? If only… If  only I could just believe in my heart the way I used to believe… If I could just keep my eyes closed to the things around me and just stay right where I was, waiting… But waiting forever I couldn’t keep so… Confuse, don’t you think?  Yeah, I know… If I could know that my miracle is really true… If I could be sure of this…

But…

Do I still dare believing miracles?

Well… Love only knows…

 

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